31 October 2000 :)
Halloween...... one of my very favorite holidays..... and I have the PERFECT look this year too.
The furniture for the condo was delivered today... damn I’m good... it’s really very cool. I was even working on the wall in the upstairs bath - the day after getting Chemo - without pain! I cannot stress the difference that JointRitis has made for me.
30 October 2000 :)
TADA... I started the book today.... At first I was worried that I might have a hard time.... then I started to scratch it out and boy oh boy it all began to rush out.... I had to write as fast as I could. I started it while I was getting my Chemo.
I went there all by myself - I felt like a ‘Big-Boy’ (silly huh?) It was the very first time that I had gone for Chemo all on my own. (Ian’s still sick). There was an older man there who said his name was John.... he looked so sad - he was there all by himself too and this was his first time. My heart went out to him and I tried to pick his spirits up, he was so sad. He said he had a son - in his late fifties - i told his it could be worse... he could have twin teenagers.... he grinned real big.
Speaking of the guys.... Trever called and got a chance to talk with Shawn and Mari too. She and I had just returned from the sorriest Alanon meeting on record. Each group has it’s own personality - These people where so pathetic, no sense of humor, and controlling. They each took turns telling their spouse would get drunk, get a DWI, have a fight with them, swear off the stuff.... then repeat the same scenario three or four times... with all the exuberance of Ben Stiller!... *cringe*.... I’m no Sherlock Holmes but.... Oh brother... by the end of the meeting I knew why they drank!
29 October 2000 :)
Since Trever made it to level two he’s allowed to have visitors on Sunday. He will have been there a month this Tuesday and so far he remains positive and committed to success. We played chess and talked... It was a really nice visit.... he gave me a stone that he saved for me.... it’s cool and I carry it with me.... he’s still carry’s the jade that Aunt Toni-Ann gave me that says ‘Healing’ on it.
Ian can’t go with me tomorrow when I get the Chemo ‘cause he’s still got the cold symptoms..... so I will go by myself.... It will be the first time that I’m going ‘solo’.
I saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show today (video)... Hey - better late than never.... what a cool movie.... we decided we must go to see it in New York and do it the right way.... if you go to the link I posted and click on ‘participation’ then go to ‘What every virgin should know’ you’ll see why...... I gotta plan this and go.
Scrumb decided to retire his site..... (Scrumb.com) I really liked going there - the guy’s a natural writer and the inspiration behind this site.
28 October 2000 :)
The weather was cold but beautiful and for what ever reason both Ian and I slept through most of it.... just needed to I guess. Later we went over to a birthday party at his cousin Pat’s house.... she’s a marvelous hostess and a great cook.... and they’re so much fun to be around. It was the first time I’ve gone in almost a year.
27 October 2000 :)
Extremely tired today and never too far from the bottle of Imodium...... oh well..... sometimes there are days like this.
I got some wonderful news about Trever.... seems he got to level two... YEA.... now I can also see him on Sunday.... go Trever!
Ian still isn’t 100% but we went out to dinner.... trying to make believe that we’re on vacation... sorta. Besides New Paltz really is a vacation town..... and it’s a cool place to live.... if you don’t have kids.... heh.... my kids anyway.
26 October 2000 :)
I spent some time with my Mom and she and I worked on getting some stuff for the condo.... what a great time. The furniture will be delivered on Tuesday.
I discovered that this site can be found through Yahoo.com.... very cool.... I feel like I’ve arrived.... I just have no idea where.
I can feel myself getting stronger.... it’s really typical between chemo sessions..... I even have to start shaving again! It tells me that I’m about due for more stuff. (Monday I’ll get chemo) I am so excited that there may only be a couple... as in two... more sessions and then it’s all done.... done....... what a beautiful word! Sometimes I get scared about getting too excited but boy oh boy it’s hard not to. The thought of eyebrows and hair, muscle tone and solid stool... and, yes, a memory (I almost forgot) and the energy to... to... I can’t remember now - but the energy.... and best of all to get back to work .... and my life.... well, it’s just hard not to get excited... that’s all.
25 October 2000 :)
Ian’s feeling a better.... the weather is a probably helping - it’s beautiful.
Mariann and I saw Trever.... that boy is really covering ground.... even Mari was impressed..... keep it up!
By the way.... the studies I’ve found regarding the EMFs bothered me enough that I gave our microwave oven away two days ago.... Ian thought I was nuts.... Shawn almost had a panic attack.... but surprisingly we’re all still here.
24 October 2000 :)
Today is the NFL's Breast Cancer Awareness Day, the NFL will donate $5 for every person (up to $50,000) that logs onto www.nfl.com and then clicks on "NFL For Her".... All the money is donated to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.
I took Ian to see his Doctor. It turns out to be a respiratory infection and he was prescribed a decongestant. My Doctors office advised me to keep clear of the guy until he’s better.... hrmn... I made some chicken soup with garlic. That and ginger ale..... my answer to almost anything.
I got the sweetest letter from Trever today.... guess I’ll get to see the little guy tomorrow
My friend Colleen sent me an email with the instructions to “Call this number, 1-800-888-3999 and you will connect with National Discount Brokers. Listen to the menu instructions and pay attention to the seventh choice and do what it says.” .... so I did... hahahahaha.
23 October 2000 :)
Ian woke up feeling worse today.... oh well. I canceled the plane reservations, car and hotel but telling my cousin Linda was the toughest part.
I spent the majority of the day tending to Ian... he’s been taking care of me for almost ten months. As far as the book goes - I’m going ahead with it anyway.... ya know.... considering all the drugs I’m on maybe it’s appropriate to start writing it in New Paltz after all.... heh.
22 October 2000 :)
Ian woke up feeling really punky.... his sinuses were hurting and his throat was on ‘on fire’... poor guy. If he feels like this on Tuesday we won’t be going to the Florida. Ya know.... I’m fine either way. Things have been going well around here and as much as I had wanted to start the book in Key West, I don’t have to.
Trever called today.... sounds great..... sounds focused.
21 October 2000 :)
What fun.... Ian and I went shopping for the condo... all sorts of really neat stuff that our friend Bernadette will enjoy. I don’t have to own it... I just like to find the stuff.
My Mom came over to visit and Ian’s Mom came over and cooked an entire turkey dinner with all the trimmings..... life is good.
20 October 2000 :)
Today was a very productive one... we worked on the condo and are in the ‘home stretch’.... just a few pieces of furniture and detail stuff.... God is in the details.
In an email that was sent to me there were a bunch of really nice sayings... but one stood out that I thought was ‘site worthy’..... “Never look down on someone unless you’re helping them up”... isn’t that cool?
There’s a big party that’s happening in Key West called Fantasy Fest my cousin Linda said it’s really fun... like Marti Gras. Sounds like a blast ..... but I’m already homesick.
19 October 2000 :)
Ian went into New York today..... I was gonna go with him since my blood levels were good.... but stayed home instead.
De came over and had some coffee and visited with me and my neighbor Ronnie. During our conversation Ronnie told me that she had written three novels, had an agent and would help me to understand the process..... very cool.
18 October 2000 :)
I met Ian six years and six months ago today .... geeze... it seems like six months ago to me. That’s either true love or one of the side effects of the Chemo.... hehe.
It was in the pouring rain that I went to see Trever.... Mariann came along too. It was good to get the two of them together. Even though it will take time before all the issues are resolved.... I can see the love there. The hours flew by and it was hard to leave knowing that I won’t be seeing him until the eighth of November..... it seems so far away.
Joni Mitchell was absolutely right - ‘Pleasure leaves too early and trouble leaves too slow’.
17 October 2000 :)
Went off on an appointment today... really enjoyed it.... got a little tired though but I’m doing my best to raise the bar.
Got to visit with my Aunt Toni-Ann and cousin Kizzy, (who’s gonna have a baby). It was great fun to spend time with them, I’m so glad that she will be there for Shawn while I’m away.
I’ll get to see Trever tomorrow.... I look forward to Wednesdays. He told me that he’s going to get a blood test that checks for AIDS - I was instantly alarmed, “Why son, what makes you think that you need that”.... “No reason - but it’ll get me outta here for a while”.... hmmm.... Now - that’s boredom! He also told me that he seems to have lost some of his short term memory, possibly from the convulsions.... He wants me to see if I notice it tomorrow..... right.... as if he ever remembered anything I told him!
16 October 2000 :)
There is mounting interest in the study of EMFs (electro magnetic fields) from everyday appliances and the occurrence of cancer. I’m finding the whole thing fascinating. The very electric devices that we work so hard to get can make trouble for us... things like a microwave oven, TVs, a hair dryer.... even the computer that I am using now...... Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Speaking of computers, whenever I am updating my site - sitting on top of the monitor sits my little friend Kimo.... she edits everything I write.
Next Tuesday we head off to Key West and I will start writing the book on cancer. De is doing a great job illustrating ‘Nausea And The Seven Side Effects’... you’ve met Nausea ..... and making his debut on the web.... here’s Trots (the diarrhea dwarf).
While I’m away I’m gonna miss seeing Trever. He called today. It was wonderful to hear his voice. It’s a tough space to be in. Ian and I were considering relocating in order to help the kids.... but more and more I wonder.... a woman was telling me today that she moved again and again ‘cause her daughter was in the same boat and it didn’t change things much.... Wowzer.... between Our Hero and his brother I might as well just buy a Winnebago..... and keep the motor running!
15 October 2000 :)
Spent some time with Mary my friend who used to live next door. It was great to spend time with her.... though in her late eighties she’s one of those people who are fun and lively.... ageless really.
My friend Anna in Texas got about nine people together and ran in the Komen Race For The Cure..... Way to go Anna!!!
14 October 2000 :)
I woke up to find Kris and Melanie sitting around the kitchen table talking with Shawn and Ian..... they were showing them the photos of Virginia Beach and laughing.... it was like going back in time when Kris was growing up and lived here..... is time supposed to fly that fast?
Shawn has been house bound for a week so far ..... (joy).... every night he’s been going to meetings and getting some good insights too..... not bad..... but if a doctor ever told me I only had six months to live I’d wanna spend it with Shawn when he’s grounded - ‘cause it would be the longest six months.....
13 October 2000 :)
It feels so good to be able to eat stuff.... real stuff.... stuff that’s not blended beyond recognition.
My voice may soon be heard on different radio spots..... The guys from JointRitis called me today and we talked all about my experiences with their all natural stuff..... they loved it..... said that they are gonna have me bronzed. (But then I’d be stiff again) It really was kinda fun.... I hope they make a mint ‘cause they really deserve it for making such good stuff...... I wonder if other commercials are as honest as these guys make theirs?
Shawn went to another N.A. meeting tonight, I’m really glad that he is insisting on going. Please say prayers for his and Trever’s recovery..... I’d be lost without them.
Kristopher and Melanie came up and are going to stay overnight.... it feels so great to have them here.... I’m so lucky to have my three sons through all the ups and downs.
12 October 2000 :)
Some how we woke up after at the time we were supposed to leave for Albany. It was a mad rush to get together and get on the road..... but we did it. I got to the hospital within twenty minutes of the operation instead of the ninety minutes that they normally require. It was rushed... but fine. It was a success.... I can swallow again.... yeah!
On the way back I called and than stopped at the treatment center where Trever is to bring him the clothes that he had asked for. The nicest thing is that I got there at noon and asked if I could have him try them on to be sure that they fit.... he was going so slow that I gently said something, (I was concerned that the staff might not appreciate the disruption.... I wasn’t supposed to be there really and I didn’t want to push my luck) He looked at me and said, “Don’t be in such a hurry, the slower I go the longer I get to see you.”
Shawn is still at home.... his probation became official today. We talk in depth to analyze the situation and talk about his addiction .... that and the NA meetings and counseling should help him to understand what he is doing...... *sigh*..... say a prayer. Aunt Toni came to stay over night... she’s offered to watch Shawn in my absence.
11 October 2000 :)
I am all set for the operation tomorrow.... I am getting very used to having the dilatation’s.
My cousin Stephanie did something so wonderful.... she knows how I just adore fine art.... she and Steve were just aboard the Q.E.2 where they met Giancarlo Impiglia the painter in person, who was a guest speaker. They got him to autograph a copy of his book and set it to me! I flipped when it arrived. Now I wanna meet him myself and with God’s help I will.
By the way... Please say a prayer for a young guy named Darrell.... he was recently diagnosed with cancer too. And we all know the magic of prayer.
I went to see Trever and I was really impressed with him. He opened up to me in a big way.... he even talked again at the session. I get the feeling that he is really beginning to take his recovery seriously.... *phew*.
10 October 2000 :)
I got to see Aunt Rusty at Mom’s before I went to see Jeff. He was very happy with the progress that I was having in dealing with the last pneumonia and the treatment in general. At this rate he feels that I may only have two more sessions left to do..... Yes! I am so grateful for all the prayers that are said for me.
Shawn and I are talking even more and he’s agreed to go to attend N.A. meetings... those meeting halls are filled with some of the strongest, bravest people I’ve ever heard speak. They really are inspirational places to go and listen and feel things.
I booked the flight to Key West we’ll take off on the 24th. I got to talk with my cousin Linda tonight.... it will be so cool to get to see her and Gary. Even though we won’t stay for long it’ll be fun and I’m looking forward to starting the book while I’m there.
9 October 2000 :\
Spent the day working and talking with Shawn. One thing I had him do was to take two pieces of paper.... on one sheet he was to write down everything that made him happy - and the source. (i.e.: Getting high.... drugs; Playing Nintendo..... Parents) and on the second page he wrote down all the things that made him unhappy and their source. When he was through the results were there, written by him in black and white.... drugs made brought most of the unhappiness into his world and his parents were not the bad guys after all.
When Ian came home he went out and rented a video so that we would relax .... “28 Days” ... hmmm.... He’s so complex..... I wonder what he’s trying to say?
8 October 2000 :/
Real tired today... not sure why. Only walked for a mile, not five.
Ian is planning on going to New York on Monday and Tuesday. I’m glad that things are starting to catch fire for him and I’m sure that it’s only a matter of time before it happens to me too.
Aunt Rusty is up this weekend.... she went back to smoking those damn cigarettes... bleh. She told me that she will quit when her Doctors tell her what the new test results show.... huh?
As I was writing this entry Shawn came in and was wearing a coat. I happened to reach out and touch the pocket and he spazed out. My spidy sense was tingling and sure enough there was a bag with pot and a pipe. He started to give me attitude regarding the intrusion of his personal space.... I handled it with poise and grace.... I put him through the fucking wall... his attitude sure did change fast.... We talked for hours but I’m not sure it got through - seems to me he’ll be heading to rehab..... and I’ll be heading to Home Depot.
7 October 2000 :/
The leaves are changing colour and it’s getting colder.... soup weather.... Fall is sort of a ‘nesting’ season.... a time to stock pantries.... pull things close.... makes me miss Trever even more.
Mom left early for her house.... Shawn went off with Mariann.... Ian went to our friend Candace’s wedding in Sleepy Hollow. I wanted to go ‘cause I love Candace, but I couldn’t with these blood levels .... dammit. Besides looking the way I do I tend to shy away from social gatherings these days.... and fires.... and medieval Transylvainian castles.... hey... wait a second..
6 October 2000 :)
My blood levels would not allow me to go to New York as I had planned....
I had been looking forward to attending a meeting at my office and see Sourabh and all my friends, but it was not meant to happen. Instead of doing nothing I took care of some work stuff.
I also had the chance to meet up with Sophie, a dear friend who has been sending me reikki healing from the very beginning of this odyssey. She introduced me to the works of Lee Carroll ..... the Kryon books and loaned me number Two. We talked for a while and she reminded me that illness, like everything else in our reality is a choice. It was a reminder that I needed to hear. I left feeling so enthusiastic.... it stayed all day.
I also drove up to the rehab and dropped off the rest of the school books that Trever would need for his schooling..... didn’t get to see him though.
Mom came over and even stayed over night.... it’s great to have her here. She sure could use some healing prayers for her foot..... it’s giving her too much pain.
5 October 2000 :)
This is sorta cool.... I had mentioned JointRitis (and linked the site) in the journal ‘cause it really works. Well.... I got emailed by the president of the company, Mr. Scott Popofski and his father.... seems they were interested in hearing more about the use of their product from a person going through cancer (the aches from the Chemo).... they’ve never thought about that population, only older folk who simply have arthritis. After talking for over an hour with these two down to earth fellows, they asked me to be part of a commercial.... my white cells are not where they should be just yet so next Tuesday we will make a sound-bite over the phone for future radio spots.... a star is born.
4 October 2000 :)
Ricky headed back to Atlanta this morning... I didn’t feel the best but I went to Mom’s to have breakfast with him and Mom, (although I really didn’t eat - swallowing is getting rough again... guess it’s time to schedule another operation)
Went to the very first Family Day at the center - it was really a good one - Trever was happy that I had come. During one of the meetings he joined in.... that’s big news for Trever.
3 October 2000 :/
After a lot of calls and faxes it was decided that Trever could indeed go into treatment. As we waited for the final call Trever got his things together. I half expected him to breakdown... I would have .... he didn’t - not his style... instead he maintained a sort of somber demeanor, quietly putting his duffel bag together.
The ride to Never-Alone was relatively short and way up in the mountains .... miles from anything. He asked what the place was like... the only term I had heard was ‘rustic’ and he wasn’t sure what that meant..... once we arrived he did.
A Ford pick-up that had been taken off the road was to the side of the driveway rusting..... er.... (cough) I mean ‘rust-IC’.... three buildings in need of paint and repair were next. It looked like a run down summer camp from the 50s. It was really kinda funny ‘cause during the admissions process the woman asked Trever if he had any questions.... yes.... He asked if there was a pool... “Yes - it’s Olympic sized” the woman said, “but it hasn’t been filled with water in ten years - needs work”.... later when it appeared that we were done Our Hero asked if he should get the bags from the car.. “No, no” she said, “we’ll let the bellhop take care of that....(she paused) ... now, where IS that bellhop?” - I almost fell off my chair! Trever didn’t miss a beat, “He’s out in the hall (referring to Shawn) - he looks just like me.” Yup... this place will be fine.
2 October 2000 :/
Trever is still here... the paperwork is never ending.... they say tomorrow... but..... now I’m waiting to see. The boys are behaving tremendously well... they know that it’s any day.
Ricky was going to head back to Atlanta with his new car... boy is it a beauty... but decided to stay until Trever was settled in at the new treatment place.
By the way - I used this stuff called JointRitis (after checking with the oncologist) and I am really impressed... enough that I have to share the info.... Last night I rubbed it into my ankles, knees and hips.... stuff stinks and it made my eyes water then it feels really cold.... but in the morning I woke up with no pain at all - none - (in the areas I used it..... boy did my shoulders hurt ‘cause I didn’t put it there.) This is good stuff to have in the house if you’re gonna go through Chemo therapy.
1 October 2000 :)
Something really special happened today.
When I got home last night I was really tired... I had some soup and went to bed. In the middle of the night I awoke to every moving part I own in pain and nauseous on top of that... last night sucked!
But in my hurry to get to bed I had not checked my snail mail..... There was a letter from Anna, a friend of mine that I met through this site, she is in the military and lives in Texas. She sent me a wonderful letter along with a real honest to God medal... for ‘Meritorious Achievement’.... how cool is that! Trever saw it, thought it was great and wanted to know where it came from.... when I told him it was from a woman I’d never met, but who knew all that was going on here (thankx to the web) and thought I deserved a medal. He looked up and said, “That’s cold.” ... hehe.... I wore it all day.