31 May 2001 :(
I had planned on heading home this morning but I was in too much pain to move... I couldn’t even sit up without wanting using language that’s altogether inappropriate for a catholic hospital... although I did reference the boss by his full name... ya know - Jesus H. Christ, (H?)... Anyway the surgeon came in and explained that it was a bigger procedure than was originally expected and that I could stay over night again with out a problem. This news was not well received by one nurse.... named Janice... who did all she could to make it more painful than the operation itself. She reminded me of Kathy Bates in ‘Misery’.... except that she looked like somebody wacked her in the mouth with a shovel... (perhaps it was a patient who had more mobility).... she expected me to just hop up and tip home... With a big smile said while she pretended to adjust my pillows, “Just stay then... It won’t be covered, they’ll just send you the bill.... your insurance won’t pay for it.”.. (she was such a charmer)... She knew that there was a procedure to resolve the situation but never offered it to me. Instead I had to call the insurance company, the doctors office, back and forth and finally after much aggravation it was agreed that I would stay another day and that the paperwork would simply be revised.... *%@^
She later apologized... but the pain meds (given by request every two hours) were always twenty to thirty minutes late... finally I just asked her politely in front of her co-worker if that was ‘payback’? She was taken aback and denied it.... The next shift was amazingly on top of the ball..... and the pain med. was not late again.
30 May 2001 :)
Ian and I went off to St. Peters for the hernia operation... expect to stay over night at the most one day.
He found four hernias from my ribcage to my navel and fixed them all... God bless drugs. I don’t really know what I was thinking.... I really thought It would be akin to having a tooth pulled..... which is right... if it’s pulled out through your ass.
29 May 2001 :)
Tomorrow I get to have the hernia repaired... I’ll probably stay over night one day and be back home by Thursday. I’m not crazy about the night before surgery... kinda nerve rattling.
Never give a kid a chore when he’s mad.... Trever got into trouble and almost got grounded. I gave him a chance to get off in exchange for mowing the lawn... he agreed. When I looked out the window there was Our hero running the mower all over the lawn... over the everything - including the garden hose... *wince*.... I had to laugh... I’m just glad the dog was laying on the driveway!
Mom told me some great news..... Michael Charlena, a radio host has asked her to be a guest on his show June 9th... she’s gonna be giving readings live on the air.... very cool.... I’ll post the telephone number later.... you’re not gonna want to miss it.
28 May 2001 :\
For whatever reason I had an overall feeling of ‘yuk’..... and I have no idea why. Positive thought usually comes to me effortlessly... but not today.... I had to consciously focus on the glass being half full.... very odd.
I was shopping and had another accident.... so embarrassing.... guess I should consider putting ‘Depends’ on the shopping list.... That’s where I draw the line though... I refuse to give in. I know it’s vulgar to document that kinda stuff... too bad... I want folks who may be going through this to know they’re not alone... But hey... on the bright side - I’ll forget about it soon.... heh..
Please say a prayer for my Aunt Donna... she fell down some stairs and really broke a bunch of stuff.
What do you get when you mix two gay guys, two priests and a nun? Well, if it’s at Maxine’s house it’s a party! Max is a kind hearted woman who leans toward the ‘earthy’.... pure fun! She reminds me a lot of my Aunt Helen... the only other woman I ever knew who could tell ya to go ‘fuck yourself’ and make it sound fun. Adam, a priest who just got his own cathedral in Manhattan... Anthony, a priest from Cape Town, South Africa who decided to spend his last day in the US at her house, and Mary - a nun..... hmmm.... What a fun and relaxed time we had. We talked about so much... and we laughed. At one point I mentioned to Adam that the church should be a fun place too.... he agreed. I’d start at the alter and swap the ‘crucified Christ’ with a ‘Jesus in a party hat’... lighten up already.... all this gloom and doom shit is for the birds.
27 May 2001 :/
As slow a day as is possible... while still breathing.
26 May 2001 :/
Aunt Rusty came over this morning... she drove all the way herself... with Treasure, it was great to see her. She brought a framed poster that Stephanie had ordered for me.... a Parisian scene... beautiful. I was really surprised.
I totally blew off a meeting that had been arraigned with Dee and me to work on the book.... *sigh*... she was frustrated, understandably..... the memory loss thing used to frustrate me no end... not anymore... I gotta just roll with it or I’ll go mad. I know it won’t always be like this though.... course on the plus side... stuff that bums me out doesn’t last worth a damn either. Hey, I wonder if there’s some way of saving the one and getting rid of the other.
My Uncle Bruce turned me onto some really great stuff... Bee Caps... it gives you energy and helps to bind at the same time... guess what... IT WORKS... YEA! I even ate Ice cream... very cool!
Please say a prayer for Richard Clinton... he needs them very much right now.... so does Aunt Marie.
25 May 2001 :)
I turned 43 today.... amazing. I can remember the year and where I was when John F. Kennedy was shot... but I have absolutely no idea where the other 42 years went. I’m at that age... ya know, when ya look better from a distance... *sigh*... but hey... I’m here - right?
The weather was iffy but I headed off to Danbury for a flying lesson. When I was approaching the exit Ian called to say that the lesson was canceled due to an approaching storm. I went to the airport anyway and met with Jim, the instructor.... he seemed really nice. I got some paperwork out of the way and bought a log book to record the hours.
Melanie and Kris took me out for coffee. It was great fun to sit in the comfy chairs at the Starbucks and drink and talk and just hang out. Afterwards they took off for a weekend getaway and I headed to my Mom’s. Her computer was not working so we gave her one of ours and I hooked it up... now she can read the site... Hi Mom... Afterwards I went over to Mariann and Robbies for a short visit... then back home.
Friends of ours had left a cute little cake from Grand Central Market, and a gift certificate for sushi.... yum... but Ian had other dinner plans.
And as if that weren’t enough... I finally got the speakers to actually work on my computer... now I have sound and can play music... I’m thrilled.... After all these years I had the stupid plug in the wrong hole.... ya know...... there’s a lesson in there somewhere. All in all it was a very fine day.... yup, yup... no complaints here... uh... but I’d still like to know where the other 42 years went.
24 May 2001 :)
The rain was still here in the morning and gone by the afternoon. Ian was in New York for more meetings.
I ran errands and stuff.. nothing too exciting.... got to see my friend Susan and her wonderful salon... that was cool. Aunt Rusty is coming up for the weekend and heading to Aunt Joanns... I’ll get to see her over the weekend. Our friend Joanna is gonna be up from Miami... it will be great to see her too.
Please say a special prayer for our friend Doreen... she was told she has breast cancer.... geewiz... I just know she’ll be OK but boy what a scary thing to hear. I’ll probably speak with her over the weekend.
23 May 2001 :)
Aunt Rusty was supposed to come up today, but the rain kept her in New Jersey.... maybe tomorrow.
It is amazing how we can program ourselves. When I was a very small boy I was put a top a pony that was lame. Then I was walked around in a circle while he listed to the left..... I screamed and screamed to be removed... I wasn’t.... I had no control then... I was just a kid... my control came later... I simply stayed away from horses.... until today.
What fun... It was a rainy and the stables were so noisy ‘cause of the rain hitting the roof. With the help of my friend Wendy, who held his leash with great patience, I stood and pet this gigantic horse named Pocano... not once, but twice! I also met three of his room mates. It was rather un nerving for me but I was determined to do it. So armed with inner peace... yeah right... more like a bag of apples and carrots as a ‘Please don’t eat me’ offering and well.... thanks to Wendy, I did it and I’m still here.
Our friend Joe stopped by... he’s gonna go to California for film making at the end of the summer... very exciting.
22 May 2001 :)
I went to Albany and met with Dr. Timothy Willox, the surgeon that was recommended to me to repair the hernia that I made in my hurry to get better... I really should have taken it slower... just seemed too slow at the time. He turned out to be a really friendly guy with a great personality... I’m scheduled for the operation next Wednesday.... YES... get that outta the way.
The High school mailed me a paper that said that Shawn was late four minutes to a Study Hall... even though he had a pass from the prior class... and told the teacher that he was using the men’s room... (#2). She actually questioned whether it could take him “thirteen minutes”.... The Vice Principal then signed the ‘warning’ slip and mailed it to me. Un-fucking Real it’s beginning to sound absurd to me so I called the Vice Principal with a ‘Science’ question... namely to learn “what planet she was from?”... no answer as yet but I hope they both have a safe trip back to earth.
Ian and I went to Blockbuster later and were scouting movies... he wanted something new.... I wanted vintage. I came across Liza Minnelli in ‘Cabaret’ - Ian said he hadn’t seen it... I was surprised.... asked him how he graduated ‘Homo-High’ without seeing that classic, he just laughed.... we ended up getting Vertical Limit... pretty cool.
We have to postpone the schlep to Tampa since there are some scheduling conflicts. But I’ll get to fly in any event ‘cause to celebrate my birthday this Friday, I’ve booked another flying lesson - this time in Danbury Connecticut... hope this fellow is nicer than the other guy.
21 May 2001 :)
I was able to get a bunch of stuff done today... nothing really exciting... just loose ends... and there were a lot, (still more left for tomorrow). I have an appointment to meet with a doctor in Albany to discuss plans for operating on the hernia... and I got my physical for the FAA certification... it’s gonna take some time so I figured I’d get my balls in the air... uh... so to speak.
20 May 2001 :)
Could not get up much before noon... ok the hell with it... I need it so I’ll roll with the punches.
Joe stayed over so he wouldn’t have to schlep an hour home... Steve came by and took us to lunch.... He is very funny and so down to earth.
Later Ian and I stood and watched Shawn and Trever play Frisbee... we knew that it was a moment to remember... It made me feel a little sad ‘cause I realized that it was a fleeting time... and a little happy ‘cause it was happening here.. now... and I was here to enjoy it too.
19 May 2001 :)
The day was a slow starter but picked up steam later... Ian and I went to Zippers with our friends Steve and Joe and got in around four in the morning... very cool. The twins went camping with Travis and Mike.
18 May 2001 :/
I woke up and got ready to head into the city at 4:30... I didn’t make it... diarrhea seems to just come and go as it pleases and that’s just life in my city for now.
Ian went into New York for a meeting with Bill Blass and Diesel... lucky duck.... later on we had sushi and celebrated being together for seven years and one month.
The boys had their friend Travis stay overnight.
17 May 2001 :)
Today is my Mom’s birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! .... hmmmm deja vu.
A crazy day filled with trying to work and trying to resolve all the problems that have arisen out of no where with the boys and the school teachers... ugh.... I used to wonder when the kid who went to school and who grew up to work in them turned into the typical school teacher... you know what I mean too... (since the really good ones stand out)... but now I know what happened... they woke up in their forties like Rumpelstilzchen to realize that they never got out.
Ian has a big day tomorrow and we spent time trying to find the right outfit... we totally ran out of time and Ian had to take me back home and I headed out to Newburgh alone. I hadn’t shaved, wearing a hat, in comfy ‘yuck’ clothes, but I went. ‘Torches’ was on the waterfront ... the view was wonderful and the decor was tasteful and open. Our table was by the window overlooking the Hudson. Aunt Pam with Jenna, Aunt Toni-Ann and Mom were there and the evening had all the elements of magic.... except that I was wiped out so I’m not really sure if I was the best company... boy I hate those kinda days. Unbeknownst to me Aunt Pam and Aunt Toni-Ann had decided to treat Mom and me to dinner to celebrate our birthdays (both in May). That was very sweet of them. Mom sent her lobster back... it was badly burnt... I mean they didn’t bring it out on a plate - it came out on a stretcher.... hehe.
16 May 2001 :)
Tired still... but that’s fine... walking and trying to stay on top of stuff.
Today is my Ian’s Mom’s birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I couldn’t go out to dinner with them ‘cause I had to stay with the boys... seems that there was some hassles in school today... we needed to talk about them.
Tomorrow is my Mom’s birthday.
15 May 2001 :)
My energy level was at ground level today... but I walked four miles anyway.
A crazy day... started off with Trever feeling too sick to go to school... I let him stay home... this is his third day without a cigarette. He’s trying so hard to stop... being a total snot, but hey... that’s all part of it.
Got the most obnoxious attitude - from outta nowhere - from a lawyer in Kingston who resented that I was following up for my client... he said that he didn’t need to be followed-up with - that he wasn’t nine years old (he was amazingly rude)... that’s when I interrupted him to ask if that meant that the paperwork was sent, he admitted it wasn’t.... hahahaha... that’s when I laughed and let him know how disappointed I was that he had chosen to conduct himself like such a jerk... caught him by surprise and he shut up... I went on to tell him that since I’ve decided not to waste my time with jerks and idiots, and that as he was well within the range of both our conversation was over.... and I hung up the phone, still laughing.
Shawn called from school to please come pick him up... there had been a bomb threat and he was totally uncomfortable with the things the way they were. I went over to the school to pick him up and there are all these signs about going to a special door... that door was guarded and the parking lot was roped off too. The grown-ups made out like it was a silly waste of time to indulge Shawn just because he was scared.... screw them... I send my children to school to develop their intelligence... how intelligent is it to stick around an area that could or couldn’t explode? I would have done the same thing!
Please say a prayer for my Dad’s brother Joe.... I learned today that he may have Alzheimer’s.
14 May 2001 :)
Today was an interesting one... albeit difficult to stay on task.
The best thing that happened is that my Mom decided that she would attend an A.A. meeting... to learn more about the power of addictions, like her cigarettes. They really control her far more than she had realized, but now she’s gonna do something about it and that’s really all anyone can do... although I can see her in my mind, standing there, “Hello, my name is Nancy,..” (Hello Nancy), “..does anyone have a light?”
13 May 2001 :p
I think I missed a career in greeting cards...... I don’t know how Hallmark didn’t spot the hole in the market.
A MOTHER’S DAY POEM
There’s so much to be thankful for,And this is from the heart, The new house that you helped us get Is only where I’ll start. I love my new Mercedes All made possible by you, And the fact that all my kids will be attending NYU. I know what makes you happy And I know what gets you pissed, But I hope you stay just as you are.
Signed - Your Son’s Therapist
12 May 2001 :\
Went and took a test that I had to for continuing education... almost voided it by leaving near the end... I was soooo tired (it took over three hours) but I hung in there and finished..... then I napped in the car... ugh.
Our friend Joe came over and visited for the day... I ran a few errands.... and walked.... otherwise a chill-out day.
11 May 2001 :/
Very tired today.... rested a lot.... took care of only the stuff that I had to.
10 May 2001 :)
Ian headed off to New York with a meeting at G.Q. among others, and I did some stuff on the phone and got ready for my first flying lesson.
For starters... I didn’t eat, (so I couldn’t get nauseous and ... well, ya know)... I drank five cups of coffee to make sure I would be fully awake... that was a mistake ‘cause I was revving faster than the engine... and I took two Imodium as a precaution (which was a complete waste ‘cause the moment we left the ground every orifice on my body closed up for the night.... *clamp*.... My brother Ricky calls that the ‘Pucker-Factor’.)
The guy was fully experienced, but I’m afraid it just wasn’t a good fit... I asked too many questions for him, I wasn’t doing the ‘macho-thing’ of being intimidated into silence - with obligatory head nods, and I had a hard time grasping the jargon. While reviewing the instrumentation inside the plane I made the mistake of exclaiming, “I love music” when he mentioned having a radio.... it’s not that kind of radio - OK.... so who knew? But it was after that, when he was done and asked me if I had any questions and I asked if the plane had a ‘name’ that I got the “Let me guess” look....
He had me taxi down the run way and just as I started to insist that he take control of the plane we were in the air.... *woosh*... we climbed to three thousand feet and it was amazing... the weather was clear.... we flew around the Hudson River.... saw the bridges and I knew that I liked this part. I had control of this little Cessna 150 (the 172 was grounded) and I was trying to do what he was asking me to do... but I didn’t hear everything he said ‘cause part of me was just so thrilled to be doing this crazy thing.....
He landed the little guy and I was happy to be on the ground too. I’m gonna do more... but I’m checking out some other instructors first.
9 May 2001 :)
A strange little day that was... well..... strange. For starters I’m cutting the Paxil back from 20 mg. to 10 mg. ‘cause I really gotta get off the stuff eventually... so that could be part of it. Secondly... I think it’s a full moon.
Ian and I spent the majority of the day working on business... with walks and the odd nap to break it up..... later a short trip to the Mall for an outfit while listening to the soundtrack from Moulin Rouge at 500 decibels.... the video is HOT. Cory came by to share a supper.... he’s a charming fellow who’s always interesting and fun. It was a short visit - Ian had press releases to work on in preparation for New York on Thursday.
Tomorrow I will be my very first flying lesson... I’m a mix of excited and .... well.... Let’s just say that breakfast will be a bowl of Imodium, with soy milk and sugar.... hehe.
8 May 2001 :)
The weather was wonderful... I sure hope that it stays that way for Thursday.
Trever happened to see me spreading more of the Dandelion fluff and looked at me as if I were nuts... “Dad - that’s a weed - people kill those.”.... “Well son,” I said in my ‘Father knows best’ voice, “did you know that the American Indian doesn’t have a word for ‘weed’ in their vocabulary.” Our hero just held his chin.... contemplating it silently... reflective.... humbled.... and just when I was sure I had impressed him with my wisdom he said, “Ya know Dad, I bet they have one for - ‘Goddamn plant that’s killing my grass’!”.... hrmn.
I got tired a lot today... and had to go out and buy more Imodium..... damnit..... during a walk bumped into Cory who insisted that we meet his new beau.... Julian... who is adorable.... the two of them look so good together..... Cory invited us to go out with him to The Congress, (a pub in Poughkeepsie) so we went.... Wow... we really are doing some crazy... ‘Wildboy’ stuff.... very cool.
7 May 2001 :)
Met with Dr. Jeff Stewart, (he also heard my commercial).... he said that in his opinion I was not a candidate for Procrit and suggested that I stay the course with the vitamins and the naps.....‘wait it out’. He was happy with the progress and set the next meeting in six months... yeah.
I finally spoke with Kenza, a friend of mine from Morocco who recently moved back to New York. I wanna try to get together with her in the city before she moves to Miami.
6 May 2001 :)
Can’t let the hurtful things folks sometimes say disturb you... it’s usually just the rant of someone in pain who’s hoping that by giving bad feelings away to others it’ll lessen their own.... (Could’ve used that little pearl while I was in High School.)
It was a marvelous day... sunny, bright and totally cool winds... perfection! Ian and I walked a great deal and while he did his gardening - I planted flowers... sort of.... during our walks I took a cup and filled it with Dandelion fuzz which I spread all over our lawn... such a kind and no hassle little plant... It’s really a very pretty yellow, doesn’t need much to flourish, after you mow the lawn they forgive you and pop back the next day... and later on you can make a wish with ‘em.... I don’t know just what they did to my neighbor... but when they show up on his lawn he takes it personally.
Ian and I and Steve all went to see The Mummy Returns.... it was totally worth seeing.... it’s a winner.
The twins decided that they were going to go to Mohonk with some friends and betting that I’d say no... never asked. When I told them that I was not happy and that we needed to talk, I asked if they could guess what about..... they had no idea.... and insisted that nothing came to mind..... They’re grounded for a week - without a snowball’s chance in hell of getting a pardon.... Trever was reaching for that hammer and chisel so I sent them both to bed without supper..... which also solved the, “what do we do for dinner” dilemma.
5 May 2001 :(
’Cinco-de-Mayo’ offered lots of stuff, that never did happen... for lots of different reasons.... a birthday party - that wasn’t.... a dinner party with friends - that wasn’t.... and later an evening out - that wasn’t.... that’s ‘cause it was really.... ’Stinko-de-Mayo’.
4 May 2001 :)
I stayed on the phone a lot today... setting up appointments. Since I’m still getting tired a bit, I’m looking into two interesting things... One is Procrit, which may help to lessen the lethargy, the other is LDN Low Dose Naltrexone. There is a Doctor in New York that is having some promising results with someone we know. Hey... I wanna learn as much as I can.
Hot sticky, ‘glad to be inside sorta day’... I spoke with my brother Ricky and he’s excited about the flying lesson stuff. He has had his license for years and is thinking of looking into starting up again.... cool.
I went to pick up the boys from their after school lessons... and didn’t find them.... they hadn’t expected me to go to the school. When they came in later I casually asked how the after school stuff went... the moment they said ‘Good’ - I grounded them both. That’s when Trever, (the sculpture) got out his little hammer and chisel and went to work..... no anger, just a soft and steady hand... like Michelangelo.... gentle, constant whacks to the head.... “Gee Dad I can understand how you feel, but... (whack, whack, whack)” finally after about 40 minutes I was so dizzy from all the discussing that I had to lay down for a nap.... “You lay down and take a nap Dad, maybe we can talk later.... just one last thing though.... (whack, whack, whack)”... I closed the door and collapsed on the bed. After about thirty minutes I awoke refreshed..... the door opened on cue and in strode Our Hero, “While you were sleeping, I was thinking and you’re right Dad (pause) but ya know.... (whack, whack, whack)” He really should consider law... his tenacity could make a Pittbull sit up and take notice..... yup... that’s my boy... guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the (whack)....
3 May 2001 :)
I’ve made an important decision.... in honor of the fact that I was told I’d be dead by June, (and thank God I’m not going anywhere) I’ve decided to treat myself to something really wild and exciting.... I booked my first flying lesson for Thursday.... in a Cessna 170.... I’m psyched.
I got to meet Adam McIntosh who is pretty well known in his native Scotland. He came to the house to talk with Ian.... He’s trying to get a career in modeling off the ground. Best part is that he was filming the meeting. Later, when I asked Ian why I was told that he’s making a documentary on his trip for Scottish television.... hmmm.... OK.
2 May 2001 :)
What a great day!
I was able to go to Never Alone and spent some time there offering what little help I could. It wasn’t so long ago that I sat in the seats that these parents sit in now.... Christ I know the feeling like it was yesterday.
We had planned to have Joe over for dinner... what we didn’t plan on was how amazing all the goodies he brought were. In this beautiful gift basket there were half a dozen deliciously prepared ducks legs, two foie gras, petite pain, mousse, fig syrup and three wines.... Ohmigod.... it was absolutely magnificent... ‘course it did make the angel hair with olive oil, garlic and asparagus I made look a bit sketchy... suffice to say we dined in style. Funny thing happened when we stepped away from the table for a few minutes. When we came back Ian said he thought it was very thoughtful of me to have returned his duck to the oven to stay warm.... thing is I hadn’t.... we had totally forgot about Buddy who, in what must have been pure determination (we’re talkin’ six inch legs already) seized the moment to make his big move. Poor bastard... when he realized we were on to him he abandoned all hope of chewing and went straight to swallowing, bone and all... and he almost had it too... not knowing exactly what to do - and having only seconds - I made the decision.... I used my foot and gave him a ‘goose’ that propelled the duck right out of his mouth and across the room..... *OOOF*..... Hey, the pen may be more powerful than the sword... but in a pinch - Nike works.... ‘Just do it.’
The rest of the evening was a shoe in..... so to speak.
1 May 2001 :)
It took a while but I’m over the ‘Tick Thing’... bugs make me nuts... I saw a spider ducking in the ceiling corner molding and snuck up and nailed it.... ya know what’s more unnerving than seeing a smushed spider.... seeing a clean tissue... Ughghgh..... you know he’s pissed off.... and he knows where to find you.
Today was a ‘Joe’ day.... I spoke with Joe Peeples, who is doing swell.... I mentioned my decision to get my pilots license and he was delighted. Seems he had one since the Fifties and has had two planes since then.... very cool.... he’s feeling better and stronger and really thinks that the treatments that he received in Mexico are gonna do the trick.... I know he’ll be fine but please keep him in your prayers.
Later our friend Joe, (the film student) came over and we did pizza and a movie... Miss Congeniality. ... Joe was not kind... he brought over bakery cookies... *yummm*.