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31 May 2000 :)

Got to Saint Peters on time and got all prepped. The operation is an ‘easy-breezy’ one.... just a tube down the throat with a balloon that they will inflate to stretch the entrance to my stomach.

The procedure went great and we were home by noon.

Please say some prayers for my Aunt Rusty... she is having a heck of a time and could use them all.

30 May 2000 :/

Believe it or not..... Trever came strolling in at almost 11:00 pm instead of 8:30...... said that he was, “attacked by a bunch of guys” from another town and had to hide for hours to be safe. There was more to it than just that but fear not - it was all bullshit. The kid is amazing!

Today I got everything ready for the trip to the hospital tomorrow. We have to be in Albany at 6:00am.... Ouch!

29 May 2000 :)

GOT THE SITE UP AGAIN.... YEA!

Didn’t get to bed until 5:00 in the morning.... didn’t realize that Coke has caffeine in it and I drank three cans last night.

I got to see Rick and Bernadette Wernon today. She wants me to redesign their condo. It is so great to have a chance to do something for them. They are very special people to me.

28 May 2000 :(

Today I said goodbye to Jeannie Shannon, a very dear friend and an amazing woman who decided to move to San Diego. I’m gonna miss her.

Got to see Tara and Colleen and that was fun.

27 May 2000 :)

I slept ...... alot.

Made a bunch of calls.... trying to get back to ‘normal’ but it is a real fight.

26 May 2000 :/

Trever is sleeping ..... has been all day. What a rough day yesterday was. I am so glad that he is back.

25 May 2000 My Birthday :(

What a ‘Ricki Lake’ Day. It started with Mariann and I going to Family Court to have the PINS, (Persons In Need of Supervision) Petition placed on Trever. Boy was that scary..... if he continues to behave so badly the repercussions could be severe.... like foster placement or a group home.

Later I was so sad that Trever had not thought to call or come home even on my birthday that Ian and Shawn went lookin for him. They found him drunk.

Later that night, around 3:00 am, the police found him too and I went down to collect him........ WHAT AN EXPERIANCE THAT WAS. Trever was so drunk and unbelievably rude and vulgar that I was personally mortified. He was so over everything and every other word was ‘fuck’. I was stunned to see him behave like this and couldn’t help but wonder who he was.... ‘cause I didn’t know him.

24 May 2000 :/

I walked down town and ran into Trever and his friends... I wanted to hug him and shake him until he ‘woke-up’ but I didn’t... I simply asked him if he had seen Shawn and he said ‘Yeah, he’s right over there. I just asked Shawn if he wanted to get some pizza and go to the mall. Then we walked around town for a little while.

23 May 2000 :/

I’m making a lot of calls for information on PINS. Made an appointment at the Family Court.... nasty business.

My life is really starting to suck. Did I say ‘starting’?

22 May 2000 :/

I’m starting to just get used to the peace and quite.... sort of, but not really... just trying to preserve my sanity.

21 May 2000 :(

Trever shows up at 3:00 in the morning ringing the front bell. I’ve had it by this time and ask him politely what he wants.

When I do let him in he offers no apology... I told him about the PINS and he starts to get so mouthy... he must have been drinking. I open the door and say, “Hey if your gonna run, your gonna run... but don’t keep me up all night.” Without missing a beat he shot me a look that said ‘surething’ and out he bolts into the rainy night. I closed the door and turned out the porch light.

Ten minutes later I stood at the open door staring into the blackness, calling his name softly and crying until I couldn’t cry anymore.

20 May 2000 :(

I’m starting to get really angry .... day dreams of hanging his dog from the tree in the front yard.... hrmf.

I report him missing yet again and the officer informed me that if I don’t put a PINS on him they will.

Finally got electricity.... that’s a good thing.

19 May 2000 :(

The police found him and I go through the rituals of getting him and take the time to explain how his antics are really taking a physical tool on me. He tells me that he loves me and likes living here and would be happy to continue.... just as long as he was never grounded and can hang out with his friends...... yeah... that sound like it will work. I take a nap and then he runs again....... It’s getting to be a joke.

It’s starting to get cold in the house... I hope they fix the damn thing soon.

18 May 2000 :(

No electricity yet... kind of exciting in a roughing it sorta way. Thank God I bought a generator for the Y2K thing.... yeah, yeah I know... I just wanted to hedge my bet. No Trever either.

I’m going to get rid of Trever’s dog too... at least I’m thinking of it.

17 May 2000 :/

My Mom’s birthday is today and I am too wiped out to go see her.

The big storm has left us with no electricity.... this is a rarity, I’m sure it will come on soon.

16 May 2000 :(

Went to Albany to see the doctor that did the operation and was told that there are traces of Mucin..... (no cancer, but the stuff that cancer makes... cancer shit). He tells me that I will need more Chemo..... whatever.

15 May 2000 :(

Stayed in bed.

14 May 2000 :(

It’s Mothers day and we had our Mom’s over for Dinner.... Still no Trever.

13 May 2000 :(

Not eating or exercising...... I’ll try tomorrow.

12 May 2000 :(

Shawn tells me every time that he sees his brother. I am told that Trever is drinking rum and getting drunk... 15 is a rough age - for everyone.

I’m investigating a PINS Petition, (Persons In Need of Supervision) for Trever and a Military school to go with it!

11 May 2000 :(

Reported Trever missing to the police, who I am beginning to know by their first names. I spend a lot of time in bed wondering when my life began resembling the seventh circle of Hell.

My lack of sleep and lack of appetite is begining to take it’s toll.

10 May 2000 :(

Well, true to his word Trever took off last night..... son of a bitch.

Shawn is coping well... he painted Trever’s old room so that he could have a new TV room. Heh

My mother was so worried about Trever that she had a TIA, (mini stroke).

Sometimes being a parent is too much fun.

9 May 2000 :/

I grounded Trever. Also had a long talk with him. He told me that he was an addict to pot and that if he was allowed to play with his friends then he could stay clear of drugs. The problem was, (according to Trever), if he stayed grounded he would obsess and then HAVE to use either pot or alcohol. So that’s why he can’t stay grounded.

He thinks I was born yesterday.

8 May 2000 :(

The police called to tell me that they found Trever and to meet them at the back of the Mobil station and get him.... I was so relieved.

But when I got there the officer was holding a kid I didn’t know - he resembled Trever a little but was much taller. I told him that wasn’t my son and the policeman asked, “Are you sure?.... he fits the description.” But I still didn’t think that was a good enough reason to take a complete stranger home, but that would have been funny to try. Hehehe

7 May 2000 :(

Still nothing and now I am getting more used to it.... sorta.

Ian is starting to lose his patience too..... he’s been through a lot of stuff with everything that’s going on.

6 May 2000 :(

Still no Trever... or sleep for me last night.

I was scared, but Shawn has seen him in the village and assures me that he is fine - just hanging with his friends. So now I’m pissed - and have emptied his room of EVERYTHING - blacklights, Christmas collectibles, frames, stereo, clothes....... ON THE STREET.

5 May 2000 :(

Just as I was getting a bit stronger.... Trever took off again... just didn’t come home! I had to go to the police again. He must not realize just how bad all the stress is for me. (Oh but he will when I find him) I emptied his room of all his posters.

4 May 2000 :(

Boy do I miss my friends in New York! I was speaking with my buddy Sourabh and getting more and more ‘homesick’ for the crowd.

3 May 2000 :p

Just slept... all day.

2 May 2000 :/

I reported them as missing to the police and they needed pictures of them, which I gave.

Shawn came home later around 8:00 pm and said that Trever would follow. Trever toddled in at midnight. When I asked them why they would do such a thing, Shawn apologized and said that he just needed a break. Trever said that it seemed like fun. When asked why he didn’t return he replied, “I told you I’d find him - I did.”

1 May 2000 :(

Are you ready... my son Shawn got so upset with me today ‘cause he was grounded... that he just decided to sneak out and run away... (into town that is). I told Trever, his twin brother, all about it later when he came home and he promised to go, “find him”.

Neither one returned and I was so upset I did not sleep at all that night.

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