Friday, 31 January 2003 :(
The day started productive enough, we finally took Buddy to get his nails clipped and his shots. His poor nails have grown to where they were curling under his paws already. What an joke.... New Paltz Animal Hospital, where we’ve been going for years, wanted $220. to clip the nails and $98. for the shots.... bullshit.... I called around and Gardiner Animal Hospital only wanted $101 for the nails and $34... a big difference. for the shots - so that’s where we took him. They were great - they let us stay with him while they knocked him out and he didn’t have to stay all day - we were in and out in an hour... and Buddy is FINE!
Okay.... not the best day... I couldn’t keep any food down. Mariann thought it might be a virus. I concentrated on keeping liquids down in the meantime.
Thursday, 30 January 2003 :)
First things first.... we called the police to help us open Ian’s Mom’s car... and they were successful... *sigh*.... then we brought the car to her and went to the mall and walked the length a few times. I checked my weight... 174...hmmmm... gained three pounds... gotta do more. I tried eating bread, (a no-no according to one doctor) and had no problem swallowing.... considering they’re carbs it should help me gain even more.
Got to visit with Mariann today - and Kristopher too! He told me the greatest news... he’s moving to New Windsor, New York next weekend.... yea.... he and Melanie will be close by... a real treat after years of having them live in Connecticut.
What a mile marker.... Our Hero got his driving permit today... he’s understandably excited. I offered to take him driving but he really dislikes stick and only wants to drive an automatic... okay.... but if you drive stick you can drive anything.
Wednesday, 29 January 2003 :)
I’m gaining weight... Yea... eating everything that I can find that’s fattening and only eating about a cupful every hour or two... but it’s working.
Ian’s Mom came by for a visit and inadvertently locked her keys in the car. We called the Police who came right away and used that flat thing and after some fighting from one side to the other had the car open. When they were done Mom locked the car up and later when she went to unlock it discovered the policeman had broken both door mechanisms and there was no way in..... we drove her home... tomorrow we’ll deal with the car.
Tuesday, 28 January 2003 :)
I went to Newburgh to visit Mom. We talked about her quitting smoking, which is what her doctor demanded she do. She’s cut back to one an hour but that was a month ago and now she has to raise the bar.
While I was there I got to see Aunt Pam too.
Monday, 27 January 2003 :\
Ian went into the city to meet a client and I stayed home. I had a rough night... this time it was really my own fault ‘cause I ate before going to bed... ugh... a real no-no. I was up and down all night.... I think I ate my weight in Imodium today.
Sunday, 26 January 2003 :/
A day of ups and downs.... It was a year ago today that we lost Robert and Steve to the lake.... it was a hard day for Little Mary.
I, on the other hand, used the day to celebrate being alive. I think that’s the best tribute you can do. I went to New Windsor and visited Kizzy and her good friend Larry. She asked us to come and see his fashion sketches... and I’m here to tell you he’s good. Sure he needs some more time in design - but he’s talented and very friendly. I hope he stays with it ‘cause he has good instincts.... now he just needs to get the message out.
Got to see Mom.... she looks great and is so happy to be home. Ian and I visited for a while and when we left it was with the understanding she would come over tomorrow.
Saturday, 25 January 2003 :)
We had a ‘Spa-Day’... Aunt Toni-Ann, Kizzy, Ian and I all had some relaxing times.... facials, whirlpools, hair, nails... ya know... just a real fun and relaxing time. Nauh was there too but as well behaved as he is you’d never know it.
Afterward we went with everyone to see Chicago.... Aunt Pam was there too.... Yea... the movie was thronged. The only set of seats that would accommodate our group was in the front row... phew... but I did it! Sat there and watched my first movie in months.... TADA... tomorrow I’ll make my first chiropractic appointment... hehe.
Friday, 24 January 2003 :)
Went to the mall again... got some walking in... I don’t know who thought of it but using the Mall as an exercise place, when you’re just starting out, is pretty smart, although the first day I just wanted to walk around the food court.
Thursday, 23 January 2003 :)
I started using Imodium again, actually I have since Monday, can’t seem to go a day without it.... hrmn... actually, that’s not true - I go a lot without it.... that’s the problem.
Oh well, nothing very exciting happened today. Ian was busy working on projects and I was just puttering. I noticed that I can do more for a longer period of time... yea.... feels good. I like to make some progress every day.... and thank God - I am! Later Ian and I went to visit Aunt Toni-Ann, Kizzy and Nuah... we talked and laughed and had a really fun time there, but then we always do.
Wednesday, 22 January 2003 :)
Bitterly cold day, but I went to see Aunt Toni-Ann, Kissy and little Nuah. I showed a couple of ideas for their kitchen and they liked them both.... great start. I enjoyed having some coffee together and then I headed back. We’re in the process of putting away the Christmas stuff.... such magic... hate to pack it away really.
Please say a prayer for Ian ‘cause he’s got some business decisions to make and can use the strength.... such a really really great guy... I am so blessed.
By the way... my dear friend Colleen went on a pilgrimage last year.... I wrote a little about it... well, she’s written all about it in her very own WebLog..... you gotta check it out.
Tuesday, 21 January 2003 :)
An interesting day.... Ian was in New York for meetings and a luncheon... I stayed in the country sketching some ideas for Aunt Toni-Ann’s kitchen.... sorta house bound.
Strange thing was I never heard Trever’s voice today... we never spoke and that just felt strange.
Monday, 20 January 2003 :)
What a really great day! Let me just say that right from the beginning.
Tom Hoffay stopped over and we had a chance to visit a little while... seems like it’s been forever. It was good to catch up with him. Gotta do more. Aunt Toni-Ann came and took me to get the biopsy results from last week... Nothing - Nada - Zip.... Yea! Aunt Toni-Ann and I had a celebratory late lunch with Ian back at the house.
Sunday, 19 January 2003 :)
A friend of ours, Nadja Swarovski, who married Rupert Adams on my birthday last spring, looked brilliant in the February 2003 issue of Town & Country. She’s such a sweetheart and I know she’s gotta be pleased with the article. I was looking forward to seeing her at the Young Friends of Save Venice byzantine ball, but it’s on the seventh of February and Ian’s right.... too much - too soon.... hrmn.
Saturday, 18 January 2003 :)
It’s been eight years and nine months since I met Ian. Time really does fly... too fast. We went to the Mall and I walked and walked... we even got in some retail therapy.
There was a party at Pat’s house - I’m still not up to schlepping that far... or worst yet... getting there and needing to leave after an hour... what a wet blanket. That’s okay... Ian went and I’ll be able to go soon.... this is where time drags... funny huh?
Friday, 17 January 2003 :)
Ian went to New York for meetings, I stayed home. Trever came by after school and let me know he would stay the weekend... okay... after ten minutes there was elevated voices coming from the kitchen, (he and Shawn were at it again). I let them both know there was zero tolerance for that crap and peace returned to the valley. Trever didn’t end up staying over after all... oh well... C’est la vie.
Thursday, 16 January 2003 :)
A slow morning for me.... Later Ian and I picked up Trever from school to run him out to do more study at another school. We dropped him off and went out to eat... it was a big deal to eat out in public. Thank God there was no ‘scene’ but I was full so fast that it was rather silly to be there at all. We went to the Kingston mall and then picked up Trever and schlepped him back to New Paltz.
Wednesday, 15 January 2003 :)
Had grand plans for today.... got up at six thirty, started the coffee... then Shawn came in the room complaining of stomach pains... and simultaneously vomited.... *Blech*.... poor kid. He had a fever and was so wOwZey... I ended up staying home and tended to his needs. (While wearing a face mask. He’s better now.
Tuesday, 14 January 2003 :)
I drove to New Windsor to have coffee with Aunt Toni-Ann... I also got to hang out with Kissy and Nuah too.... I had a great time and we all sat around talking and laughing.... and most importantly - dreaming... designing our futures... very cool. I feel that dreaming and designing the future is the most important step in the process - otherwise you just grope around in a daze. I love these guys and it’s an absolute joy to hang out together.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, all was quite and peaceful on the home front... Our Hero stopped over briefly after school, but there were no hassles to report... *sigh*.... all’s well.
Monday, 13 January 2003 :(
NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL was promoting their presence in the cable market with a party at Niki Town on 57th Street... Ian was working with Sonya on the rock climbing event that featured one of Sonya’s athletes.... so he was in New York all day.
I went to Little Mary’s house and spent a good part of the day there. This month is gonna be rough for her since Robert died a year ago soon.
Trever was stalling on going to Mariann’s, finding another reason why he had to wait... but it’s too hard on me. I explained that this ‘separation’ was really for the best. We really are too much alike and there seems to be an anger inside him, (from the divorce I bet). I told him we need space for a while in order to understand each other better and get closer. If he’s leaving it had to be swift... not protracted - it hurt too much. I asked his friend Travis if he could take him out there... he said he could.... and Trever quietly left... it stung - I cried - but now I’m fine... This is part of a bigger process.
Sunday, 12 January 2003 :\
Trever decided to go to Mariann’s starting Monday so he could get the bus to school.... makes sense... I have to realize to him the change is exciting and new. I can understand, it’s just the Father part of me that is having the rough time... Our Hero is working under the impression that as soon as he’s out we’re throwing a party... of course we’re not.... (he doesn’t understand how hard it is to arrange catering on such short notice)... hrmn.
Aunt Toni-Ann came over, God bless her, and saved the day... in so many ways. It was decided that perhaps I should go back on an anti-depressant... I’ll call the doctor in the morning.
This was kinda neat - Trever remembered where he and Shawn had hidden some money when they were about six.... dropped down a cinder-block in the cellar. It had fallen through the holes to the floor. Remembering it as “a small fortune” he worked for hours using wires, flashlights, glue and pins until he was able to retrieve all eight dollars!
Saturday, 11 January 2003 :/
Another mixed up day.... Started off okay.... felt good with no fever to speak of thank God. Later on Trever started to be disrespectful and rude and finally decided to move to Mariann and Robbies house tomorrow.... I helped him pack. Perhaps one day he’ll understand the subtleties of his behaviors... at least I hope so... I expect to be a sad sack for a day or so then onward, onward.
Friday, 10 January 2003 :/
Today was a strange mix of happy and sad.
I went to see the eye, ear, nose and throat doctor that Paul had recommended... His name was Jason, nice guy... he looked at the nubby thing on my uvula and said it was most probably nothing, but considering my history he’d biopsy it to be certain. He gave me a numbing shot and yanked the sucker out. I’ll have the results next week.
Aunt Toni-Ann, Kissy and Nuah came for supper... it was great to be together and I enjoyed their visit no end. While they were here I started to get cold and after they had left I took my temperature... 101.9f no wonder I was shivering. The worst part was I started to get really sad and had, what my Mom would refer to as, ‘a dark night of the soul’... I was a sorry mess... sad, crying, feeling all sorry for myself and pitiful... It felt like I’ve been sick forever.... what a cry-baby I was.... just focusing on the hole instead of the donut. Ian, God bless him, talked me through it and monitored the fever until it was gone.
Thursday, 9 January 2003 :)
Ian and I went to see Dr. Paul Burrows. There is a little bumpy thing on my uvula, (the punching bag thing that hangs in the throat) and I want to have it checked out. Could just be a result of all the ‘yelling’ I have to do to be heard... I dunno.... they’ll find out. He thinks it’s not cancer, but referred me to an Ear, nose and throat guy.
I got the surgical report from the operation and the pathology report too.... looking good, although no one was surprised that it returned ‘cause of the type it was.... bummer. Oh well, even though it knocked me down I won’t stay there... onward, onward.
Wednesday, 8 January 2003 :)
Ian went to New York for meetings... I stayed home alone and did just fine.... yea.... later on after he got back we went to the store together and I drove the pathfinder.... yahoo... it was the first time I’d driven it since the twenty fifth of November and I did swell. At the store we bought some Guinness Extra Stout, at the recommendation of Ian’s Mom who said there was everything you need inside, (personally I think she’s confused Guinness with Ovaltine... but hey) So I bought the stuff.... almost gagged when I drank it. I think you have to be a prison guard to actually down the swill, but if it’ll help pack on pounds.... what the hell. If I start watching football and clothes shopping at Sears I hope someone will have the good sense to sit me down and put fabric samples in my hand... heh. :)
It’s our friend Mally Roncal’s birthday.... she’s such a sweetheart... HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Kris and Mel came by to stay overnight.... always great to see them. Trever said the sweetest thing to me today... after declining to participate in the ‘Scrape and Paint’ party I had set up with both boys yesterday, Our Hero asked if he could swap me some smaller bills for some fifties I had on hand ‘cause he was, “saving up” when I asked for what he said, “an apartment”..... (there’s that angel choir again).... ahhhh.... a cause I can really get behind!
Tuesday, 7 January 2003 :)
It snowed again today. The boys stayed over at Mariann’s today and Ian and I had the evening to ourselves.... hmmmm.... peace and quite.
Monday, 6 January 2003 :)
It was a snowy day and the roads were not so hot so we went to the local grocery store and I walked around a while. I called Mariann and Robbie and found out he was doing fine after his hernia operation... thank God. He’s home now.
Ian took a photo of our Christmas tree so I can post it... oops.... seems to be laying on it’s side, that’s why you should never drink and click.
Sunday, 5 January 2003 :)
Ricky and Jill got back to Georgia safe and sound... Ian, his Mom and I went to the Galleria and I walked the length of the mall. I made a fast stop at GNC to get some bulking stuff ya drink and some Noni Juice.... it’s supposed to help you get stronger.... I’ll take it!
Saturday, 4 January 2003 :)
A bittersweet day... Jill and Ricky, Frankie, Livvy and Mary Grace all left to head home and I didn’t get to see them off. I know they understood, but it sucked none the less. Later Ian and I, along with Eyoko, headed to Newburgh to bring Mom her press pack and see her before she left with Aunt Pam for Key West. (They leave in the morning.) I was impressed with the difference in snow between New Paltz and Newburgh, at least a foot more at my house. Eyoko went back to New York.
On the bright side - I saw Kris and I’m much more upbeat than I was yesterday... feels more normal.
Friday, 3 January 2003 :)
I was a frustrated puppy today. For starters my recovery is going far too slow for my liking and I’m soooo out of shape, (ahhhh the joys of chemo) that I almost tripped over my own ass this morning! If Mr. Gravity took my body parts any lower I’d be buried.... heh.
It was snowing so hard and steady that I was house bound... worst part is the realization that Ricky and Jilly are going to head south in the morning and this is the last time to really visit with them before they leave! I miss them already.
Thursday, 2 January 2003 :)
What a great day.... Ricky and Jill came over and Jilly taught me how to make her amazing pork stew... yummm... love it, love it, love it... Eyoko was here and spent the day with us. Later on Mom came by with Aunt Pam with her new car, (a pretty Buick). Sonya came by too... it was really a nice way to start the year off.... positive, fun company.... and Jilly’s pork stew!
Wednesday, 1 January 2003 :)
We were up ‘till 3:30 in the morning... but it was a fun time. Kris, Melanie, Eyoko and Damon all stayed over.... It was great to have my three boys all under the same roof (and unconscious).... ahhhh peace and quite. In the morning Kris and Melanie took off and Eyoko, Damon, Ian and I went off for breakfast. I was wiped out for the most of the day, but it was well worth it! Eyoko is gonna stay a while... she’s fantastic company! With Ian’s help she made the cover of Cosmo Girl this month with one of her wonderful leather body sculptures..... very cool.